Tuesday, December 23, 2008

The Airing of Grieviences

Today is Festivus and with it comes the airing of grievances, because as the Festivus patriarch Frank Costanza said, "I've got a lot of problems with you people!" Because this is a sports blog (such that it is) it will only have my sports grievances. They are in no particular order, just as they come to me.

1. I'm looking at you, Dallas Cowboys, first, because you are foremost in my mind right now. Every one of you should be ashamed of yourselves for way you've performed this year. I look back on the season and see 1, maybe 2, well played games. But I swear, you have got to be the worst coached, most undisciplined, stupidest team in the history of professional sports! How can you continue to get ridiculous penalties at the worst times? Without fail, every game, there will be at least one snap that comes at the wrong count, 5 false start or offsides calls, several absolutely awful throws by Tony Romo, 2 dumb personal fouls, atrocious special teams play, a crying wide receiver, and 6 dumb looks from Wade Phillips. Has there are ever been a higher profile, less accomplished team than this one? Norm Hitzges call you the Dallas Resumes and that is exactly what you are. A bunch of resumes that have done absolutely nothing. It makes me sick watching it. This last game against the Ravens is just a case in point. Every single part of the team had a hand in that debacle. Romo throwing two of the worst thrown pics I have ever seen, just throwing it up for grabs, and would it kill the receivers to play a little defense on those plays? Two Ravens scoring drives made up mostly by Cowboys penalties. Every offensive play, there was someone coming free, and no adjustment? I know the Ravens are good on defense, but no one should get free runs at your QB every single play! I don't even want to think about those last two runs by the Ravens where there was almost no resistance, a couple of arm tackles and then nothing but space. And the special teams are a laughing stock. And somehow, through no doing of your own, you are on the precipice of the playoffs with a win in Philly on Sunday. Is there any one who has confidence in the your mental make up to win this game? I don't. Forget the mental make up. Does anyone think this coaching staff can come up with a game plan that might make a lick of sense? I don't. The blame for all this lies at the feet of Jerry Jones. This off season, Jerry, cut Terrell Owens, fire Wade Phillips and Jason Garrett and every one else on the staff, and take a dump truck full of your money and drop it in Bill Cowher's lap and give him control of the team. I know you won't do it. Your ego is too big.

2. Ok, Mavs. How stupid do you look for the most recent dumb Jason Kidd trade? Way to go Mavs! Most teams only get a chance to blow the trade of a player once. You did it twice. And what do you have for your trouble? A 35 year old point guard and a ninth place team. Awesome! You aren't even in the same zip code as the Lakers or the Spurs or the Hornets. Good bye challenging for NBA titles, hello mediocrity where you're just quite good enough to get run out of the playoffs in the first round, which is exactly what happened the last two years.

3. Stars. Are y'all even playing? I have no feelings one way or the other.

4. If I had written this a couple of weeks ago, I'd would have ranted for pages at the injustice of college football. Quite frankly, I'm ranted out on that. The bottom line is how the hell does the Oklahoma Sooners get away with losing to Texas on a neutral field and making the national championship game? Remember a few years ago when OU got plastered in the Big 12 Championship game and still made the national championship game (only to get predictably run off the field in that game)? Does OU have pictures of someone? There is something screwed up about the system and it's not gonna change because people are stupid. At the same time, Texas, you should have just stopped Tech. You had the game won and gave it away.

5. Finally, the Rangers. Why does anyone remain a fan of a team determined to hold the payroll below that of the Kansas City Royals? As Tom Hicks smugly says, "I'll be glad to expand the payroll when attendance rises." What happened in the last 10 years to make people think that anything is going to change? At least they didn't finish in last place in the division. They finished 2nd! Wow! A full 21 games out of first place! That's progress. Oh, we may sign Ben Sheets, but we're gonna have to trade Hank Blalock and his 6 million dollar salary. We could get Randy Johnson, but we are going to have to trade Vincente Padilla. Your payroll isn't going over $70 million dollars while legendary spenders like the Royals and the Pirates laugh at that total. Now I am not one of those people that think spending hundreds of millions of dollars is the way to the promised land, but Tom Hicks, you are deliberately ham stringing this team. If you can't belly up to the bar, sell the team. Hey, I think the Rangers are going in the right direction. The Rangers are generally considered to have, if not the best, then a top 2 or 3 farm systems in baseball. But no one cares about the minors. We want results in Arlington. It better happen soon or you'll really see what an empty ballpark looks like.

So, those are my sports grievances. I feel a little better. I think.


Chris said...

Brilliant. I think your should turn your Cowboys rant into a "Twelve Days of Christmas"-style song. I'm thinking:
Five...offsides penalties!
Four false starts,
Three bad snaps,
Two dumb personal fouls,
and another loss in December.

I'll leave the rest to you.

rus said...

Oh, that's a great idea.
OK, here we go.
On the 12th day of Christmas the Cowboys gave to me:
12 men on the field
11 stupid penalties
10 free rushes
9 missed tackles
8 dropped passes
7 dumb looks
6 false starts
5 offsides
4 interceptions
3 bad snaps
2 personal fouls
and another loss in December.

Chris said...

Best one was 12 men on the field. How perfect is that?